Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Back to the grind
Typically my life requires an mri and a visit to the oncologist every 3 months for a check-up on the little gremlins that live in my leg. However, I have been a bit of a renegade patient lately and after deciding to stop my own treatment about 7 months ago the time finally came for me to go back. I was avoiding the medical side of my life and I realize how foolish that was, but it was something that I honestly needed to do for myself. So why decide to give up on me anti-medical way of life? A little over a month ago I was out on an adventure with my friend Christy and we were trying on shorts (our first of the season), and there it was, the ugly tumor we named Keanu, bigger than ever. So needless to say I freaked out and gave in because I knew it was time.
So Friday was the big day and my doctor told me what I already knew. Luckily the tumor in my calf (named peach) is stable and has been for quite some time and Keanu is only a little larger, but still growing enough to require treatment. (the 2 other super small tumors in my thigh haven't grown since they randomly decided to show up but since they are so little and cause no trouble they have yet to be named) So it's back to the cancer grind for me and to be honest I am anything but happy about it, but this past weekend has given me some great blessings to show me just how I will get through this next bout of chemo.
Yesterday I had some quality time with my college roommate and we talked out everything about life (like we always do). She always knows how to somehow simultaneously make me feel that its alright to freak out but know that I can conquer the world. I'm not sure if that last statement made sense but I really can't think of a better way to explain it.
Also, On Saturday I had some quality time with my boyfriend. We reviewed all the doc and I had talked about and it was nice to not have to dwell on it. He just let me tell him at my own pace and then proceeded to distract me with an exciting and yet obscenely relaxing adventure that consisted of lots of driving, picking wild flowers, and sitting on a park bench near a lake with a breeze and sun.
The conclusion of these two little anecdotes is that even though I might personally not be ready for this next part of the fight, my support system is as prepared as ever; and that is what will keep me going when I feel sick or tired or angry. I'm so lucky to have such a fantastic group of loved ones to keep me going and it is with that knowledge that I can look Keanu in the face (if tumors have a face) and say "Bring it on Bitch!"
So Friday was the big day and my doctor told me what I already knew. Luckily the tumor in my calf (named peach) is stable and has been for quite some time and Keanu is only a little larger, but still growing enough to require treatment. (the 2 other super small tumors in my thigh haven't grown since they randomly decided to show up but since they are so little and cause no trouble they have yet to be named) So it's back to the cancer grind for me and to be honest I am anything but happy about it, but this past weekend has given me some great blessings to show me just how I will get through this next bout of chemo.
Yesterday I had some quality time with my college roommate and we talked out everything about life (like we always do). She always knows how to somehow simultaneously make me feel that its alright to freak out but know that I can conquer the world. I'm not sure if that last statement made sense but I really can't think of a better way to explain it.
Also, On Saturday I had some quality time with my boyfriend. We reviewed all the doc and I had talked about and it was nice to not have to dwell on it. He just let me tell him at my own pace and then proceeded to distract me with an exciting and yet obscenely relaxing adventure that consisted of lots of driving, picking wild flowers, and sitting on a park bench near a lake with a breeze and sun.
The conclusion of these two little anecdotes is that even though I might personally not be ready for this next part of the fight, my support system is as prepared as ever; and that is what will keep me going when I feel sick or tired or angry. I'm so lucky to have such a fantastic group of loved ones to keep me going and it is with that knowledge that I can look Keanu in the face (if tumors have a face) and say "Bring it on Bitch!"
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