Fighting the urge to run...

I am your typical person now a days, going to work, playing with friends, just basically living life and usually I am generally satisfied with that. However, the satisfaction never lasts and out of no where come these waves of uncomfortableness. It's almost like a rash where you start feel a little itchy and sometimes you can suppress it with medicine and other times you can't find the cure quickly enough and you are stuck with red itchy blotches covering your life. Today is a rash day. I was coasting along fine and then out of nowhere it punched me right in the face and all i want to do is run away. I am terrified that I have lost my creativity. I don't want to be your basic craft mom who grows up, works too hard, has kids, and only uses her creative instincts for science fair projects and the occasional needle point bullshit. I need more than that and I need it NOW! I feel like a crazed junkie willing to do anything for a fix but there is no solution in sight. I'm not entirely sure how how or where to go from here. I'm sure it will resolve itself like it always does; I'll spend to much money on paint or fabric or canvas and I'll try to create something to make myself feel real again. It will hold me over for a while and in a few weeks I'll be right back here again. I just need to face the facts...
-I am in no way cut out to work in an office
-It is very unlikely that I will ever make art beautiful or provocative enough to move people in the way that is required in order to make a living on calling myself an 'artist'

I am realizing that at this point this is just me ranting and it's time to stop, suck it up and go to the craft store... such is life.

A farmers life for me.

This past weekend my friends and I ventured out to Pottstown for "fun on the farm". It's an event of sorts that we do every year at our friends farm (or really her parents farm), and it usually consists of varying activities that are possible on a farm like playing with cows, a hay ride, a bon fire and tons of food. My favorite part however, is spending a glorious amount of time outside with wonderful people. This year we were blessed with gorgeous weather that provided a wonderful backdrop to our country shenanigans and while enjoying the air and the company I realized just how much I love being out in the country. Being in a place that is so natural and so open just makes my soul feel brighter. It's hard to explain but for a girl who didn't set foot on a farm until she was 18, it's amazing how someplace so new can automatically feel like home.

So this is me...

A few months ago I met my mom at Villanova (her employer and my former educator) to drive together to another one of my many oncology appointments at CHOP. While waiting for her to get ready one of her colleagues and I talked about cancer and how much it sucks. I have been a cancer patient for close to ten of my 23 years and she herself had recently started an intense chemo regiment. After covering all the basics I found myself proclaiming my typical "it sucks but what can you do, it's just life" statement that has become so commonplace in my everyday conversations. She did as so many others have in the past and told me that I had such a great outlook on it all and recommended that I start a blog or something to help other young cancer patients realize that they are not alone. And to be honest I would love to give hope to other people through my life realizations but inside my head it is so much more pessimistic then I let on. The main reason behind this little blog was originally to be an outlet for me to really just say whatever to whoever wanted to listen. I was hesitant to ever even write anything about my life as cancer's mistress, but lately I have been struggling to think of anything else. I am at a loss for how I could in fact help anyone but I know that when I was 16, more than anything, I needed to know that other people have survived the struggle that is the life of a "kid with cancer". I'm not really sure as to how or where to take this post or anything else regarding this blog from now on, but I guess what it's really become is a long and drawn out realization that I will use this media to be an outlet for every aspect of my life.

So this is me, Bridget, a super huge hippie/nerd who loves music, theater, and is a "kid with cancer." LoveLoveLove!