New years revolution!

I have never been the type to even try when it comes to new years resolutions. Every year my mother makes one to loose weight and to be honest, that is what I thought "new years resolution" meant for a long time. It was just a fancy name for a diet that everyone started after the holidays. I personally don't believe in the term "diet" when it goes with other words like Atkins or south beach. To me it's all bullshit about starving yourself and making your life uncomfortable to look better on the beach. I prefer to live by the eat reasonably healthy motto instead of starving myself for 3 months at a time.
Well to jump on my friend Jen's bandwagon, I have decided to make some new years resolutions that I could not only see myself keeping, but that I would want to accomplish. I'm often coming up with a list of goals for the season (I still have my list of 10 goals from the summer hanging on the back of my door), so a list for the whole year is really not that different.

So without further ado here are a few of the things I hope to accomplish this year.

1) Become a better business woman
I have started this business without really any knowledge of how it should be done. I have never been a business minded person and the hippie in me just want to give everything away because I love making people happy. However, I have come to realize that if I want to make this work so that I can even remotely support myself with my art, than I will have to gain some semblance of a business mind. I am in no way expecting miracles from myself, but just some basic steps in the right direction and some additional knowledge on the subject as a whole.

2) Used more recycled materials for the craft biz.
Recently I have started making these little wristlet bags from recycled neck ties that I usually find at goodwill. Normally, they are far too girlie for any man to ever wear and I can't bare to have them go to waste so I came up with a solution. They have become one of my favorite things to make because it's a bit of a challenge but is still something beautiful and completely one of a kind.

3) Take charge of my health
I've really been avoiding my cancer patient status for quite some time now. I know what the consequences will be and I have made the choice to live with them, but I think it's time to go back to the doctor and face the music. To tell him that I want to avoid chemo unless it's becoming a dire situation, because after 10 years of this off and on I have hit a wall with my treatment. I want to try and find a balance in what is best for my body, as well as my sanity and my soul.

4) Buy better and less
I need to get over my love of things that cost $5 because it's really not logical anymore. In college, buying that hilarious graphic tee at 5 below totally makes sense because you can wear all the time, but I am finding myself at a new place in life that calls for quality. I'm finding that I need my clothes to hold up longer and to be functional for so many occasions. I have found a great balance in my professional life, where on most days I go to the office feeling like myself. I have always been the type to express my personality through my clothes and I find that when I put some creativity into my outfit choice, it sets a creative mood for the day. I've decided that it's time to give up the constant search for the $5 purchase because it makes so much more sense to just shop less and spend a little bit more on the items that you need. As I write this the bargain hunter in me is screaming "But I love the $5 purchase!!!". I'm not saying that I won't be making any, but only if I come across them out of sheer luck. It's better to save up and buy that warm coat that will last several winters as apposed to the cheap one that will barely last the week.

I hope to start a life revolution this year and make the best of every second that my existence has to offer. I hope 2011 brings the rest of the world a fantastic, magical, whimsical, and all around happy new year! Lovelovelove

Oh blog world it has been far too long! Life has been crazy, but in the best way possible. I am starting my own ETSY business and that has been taking up a lot of my spare time. I am so excited because it's something I have wanted to do forever and ever. It's given me an amazing excuse to have some hilarious and memorable hangout times with my friends while having them model the goods.

Cait modeling a scarf for the original shop banner

The last few months have been so good to me and I am constantly grateful for the amazing things that continue to happen. Lets briefly catch you up...

-My best friend Christy got married! There was an amazing celebration and ceremony at her parent's farm as well as a gorgeous Hindu ceremony in new york.

-I found a way to balance being happy with my "day job" and my artistic job!

- I went on a date that involved a personal banjo serenade (the only way to date really)

-I've created some of my best work artistically and I am finally going to get to share it with the world.

I hope life is treating the rest of you equally well!
Lovelovelove

September Wedding.

So last summer sometime, my college roommate Cait and I jokingly decided that we should just get married and out of this decision came the idea for the September wedding. Basically what this meant was that for the last year we referenced it as an inside joke that slowly everyone in our little Villanova group started to pick their roles and express their excitement for said September wedding. Well this past weekend we took the fake plunge and had ourselves a fake wedding.

It was really just a reason for some us all to get together and be silly. Everyone picked a wedding role to fill and we had a silly 10 minute ceremony full of sexual innuendos and best friend jokes.

(Our 'flower girl' in the midst of throwing her bag of rose petals everywhere)

Cait and I had an excuse to wear amazing dresses that really aren't acceptable in public. Mine was an old "punk rock prom dress" that I bought in high school and hers was this amazing 70's bridesmaids dress that we bought at a vintage shop.

(Yay Married!)

Cait ended up baring a striking resemblance to Jenny from Forrest Gump and I'm not entirely sure how I would classify my look... maybe high school Bridget. Our friend Kristen was our master of ceremonies (hence the super badass superman t-shirt) and came up with the most hilarious ways to tie Cait and I together for life. Her references to the princess bride and glorious pop songs spanning several decades were truly the work of a comedy genius. After our little ceremony we all we back inside and sat around talking, drinking and playing silly games.

(This is what happens when you give Joe and I booze and a camera)

It was a marvelous time and was exactly what I needed in my life!
Lovelovelove!

The week in review.

It's been a bit of a weird week full of bittersweet moments. The first downer was that as of last Wednesday my plans to go back to college have been put on hold until next semester because of loan and other money issues. As much as this sucks, to be honest it was a bit of a relief at the same time. It's my own fault because I put off meetings with advisers and registering for classes which made for a very hectic and rushed process that really didn't leave any room for any random snafus. So as unpleasant as it was to have to put off the ultimate goal (college degree and hopefully an eventual masters in womens studies) for another 3 months, at least I have learned to go into next semester with everything already figured out.
On the upside I got to spend a decent chunk of time on Saturday with my best friend from high school, Melissa*. Our hang out times usually consist of bad tv, some sort of crafts, and trying to decipher the mysteries of the universe. No matter what we do or talk about I always feel calmer somehow after we have been able to chat and laugh and just be silly together.
One more down side to this week was that after like 10 months or so the boy and I decided that it was time to stop seeing each other. This was also bittersweet on so many levels because as much as we both know we just don't work together in a way that could go the distance, so to speak, it sucks to end something with someone you care about. After sitting and talking it all out with him for a while I went home and spent many therapeutic hours with my sewing machine and mp3 player. It is weird how soothing it is to me to sit at that desk with Bessie** and make something beautiful while belting out whatever old song comes through the shuffle of my mp3 player... it's home to me.


*She is very selfishly leaving me in a month or so to take a job in Hawaii for at least a year. As much as I hate her for leaving me here alone down-in-g-town, I know why she has to go and hopefully I can save up enough money to visit her while shes there.
** Bessie is my sewing machine. She was named one day while costuming a show in college and in a rather cracked out and sleep deprived moment and friend of mine and I decided she looked like a cow. Hence the name Bessie.

Where do we go from here?

I've reached a point where I have absolutely no clue what to do with this blog. To be honest, I'm not sure I ever really had a clue. I think I just wanted it to be a sounding board for my life, but my everyday existence isn't really that interesting. I also dabbled with the idea of writing about being a young cancer patient in the hopes of helping some other young person to feel connected to something or someone like them. But that idea really only works when I'm not avoiding my cancer patient status (yes I am aware that is bad news bears). So where do I go from here? I don't want to just walk away from this baby, but I need some sort of a game plan on how to utilize it in a way that will keep both myself and my whopping 9 followers interested (thanks for reading guys!). I'll have to think this one over and let you guys know what I come up with... suggestions are of course welcome :)

Remember

There is more to you than cancer!

Back to the grind

Typically my life requires an mri and a visit to the oncologist every 3 months for a check-up on the little gremlins that live in my leg. However, I have been a bit of a renegade patient lately and after deciding to stop my own treatment about 7 months ago the time finally came for me to go back. I was avoiding the medical side of my life and I realize how foolish that was, but it was something that I honestly needed to do for myself. So why decide to give up on me anti-medical way of life? A little over a month ago I was out on an adventure with my friend Christy and we were trying on shorts (our first of the season), and there it was, the ugly tumor we named Keanu, bigger than ever. So needless to say I freaked out and gave in because I knew it was time.

So Friday was the big day and my doctor told me what I already knew. Luckily the tumor in my calf (named peach) is stable and has been for quite some time and Keanu is only a little larger, but still growing enough to require treatment. (the 2 other super small tumors in my thigh haven't grown since they randomly decided to show up but since they are so little and cause no trouble they have yet to be named) So it's back to the cancer grind for me and to be honest I am anything but happy about it, but this past weekend has given me some great blessings to show me just how I will get through this next bout of chemo.
Yesterday I had some quality time with my college roommate and we talked out everything about life (like we always do). She always knows how to somehow simultaneously make me feel that its alright to freak out but know that I can conquer the world. I'm not sure if that last statement made sense but I really can't think of a better way to explain it.
Also, On Saturday I had some quality time with my boyfriend. We reviewed all the doc and I had talked about and it was nice to not have to dwell on it. He just let me tell him at my own pace and then proceeded to distract me with an exciting and yet obscenely relaxing adventure that consisted of lots of driving, picking wild flowers, and sitting on a park bench near a lake with a breeze and sun.
The conclusion of these two little anecdotes is that even though I might personally not be ready for this next part of the fight, my support system is as prepared as ever; and that is what will keep me going when I feel sick or tired or angry. I'm so lucky to have such a fantastic group of loved ones to keep me going and it is with that knowledge that I can look Keanu in the face (if tumors have a face) and say "Bring it on Bitch!"

Theater Junkie

Once a theater kid, you are always and forever a theater kid. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't do the following things at least once...
1) Sing along to the original cast recording of anything.
2) See an article of clothing on the street and think "oh god that would work so well as a costume for this random character"
3) Hear a song on the radio and say "if this were a show the costumes would be a mix of rocky horror meets leave it to beaver" (oh yea I've actually said that in the last 9 days)
4) Do some form of interpretive dance in an inappropriate place and setting.
and dear god there are so many more.
Now I know my theatrical tendencies lean more towards costumes than being on stage, but it is through my joy of performing for an audience that I found my adoration for helping others find their joy on stage. I love being able to hear the background of a characters life and deciding, based on age, time period, personality, and life experiences what that person would choose to wear. It's a way of getting inside someones head that is completely unparalleled in my mind. In the last few weeks and I have been finding myself giving in to more and more of these theater habits. So in honor of this recent flare up of theatrical love, I am spending the rest of the day singing along to everything and being as crafty as humanly possible.

Happy Friday!

The past 7 days have been equally wonderful and exhausting and I don't think my body has ever been more ready for a Friday. So in honor of the end of the week I thought I would share the high and lows that have made the last seven days so hectic.

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Spending five days with my awesome cousins, ages 13, 10 (eleven on Monday) and 9.

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Having some quality craft time with the two girls (10 and 9). We made purses that were a big hit with their friends.

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I was unprepared for just how intense it is to be a soccer mom, Saturday alone came with 3 different sporting events, not to mention opening day festivities for softball.

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Seeing the lovely ladies of NBT kick some serious ass in their end of the year a cappella concert, and being able to introduce the boy to the reason I am usually singing along with the instruments as well as the words.

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Buying a new and very long book, which I am super excited to start reading this weekend.

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Working in both offices for a few days which makes for a very stressed out and sleepy Bridget.

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The amount of Starbucks that I could justify into my budget in honor of the craziness.

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And the biggest plus of all was that I was able to make it all work. I know it may not sound very difficult but I have a tendency to be overwhelmed by how much there is to do. Instead of taking it one day at a time, I look at the big picture of what lays ahead and I start to freak out. Usually, because of this reason, I end up skipping the fun things in order to make sure I can handle the sensible things. But thanks so some awesome people in my life (IE Mom, Cait, Jeremy, Kristen, Joe) I was able to keep myself sane and still fit in some time for awesomeness.

So in conclusion, Friday I have never been so happy to see you. And weekend, I am super excited for the mini golf, triple date, outdoors time, and relaxation that I know you have in store for me.

Have a great weekend everyone! Lovelovelove :)

Go to your happy place.

For the last 2 weeks or so I have found myself slightly overwhelmed and anxious about pretty much everything and nothing (it's kind of like the anxious anticipation of waiting for Santa only in a not so fun way). It has a tendency to come and go every so often for me and it has been going on long enough that I have just accepted it as part of my charm :) The good news about having these extra neurotic periods of time is that I have a reason to stop and force myself to escape to one of my few happy places that exist on this earth.
The qualifications for somewhere to be considered my happy place is that it needs to hold some sort of happy memory, it must have a good view (sunset or sunrise is a bonus), preferably outdoors (a cool breeze, birds, etc), and I need to be able to just breath better there. There are a few places that meet all of these qualifications and certain locations tend to jump up and down on the list but there are two that always remain at the top spots and those are my great uncle's house in wildwood crest and the other is the roof of my house. Sadly I haven't been able to escape to the beach just yet but luckily my favorite portion of the roof is located just outside one of my windows. Since I was about ten years old I have been removing that screen and shimmying my way out onto that slanted piece of heaven. I'm not sure why it's so calming... maybe its the remnants of that rebellious and dangerous feeling from when I was a kid or the fantastic breeze that always seems to blow past that part of the house. Whatever it is the second I am seated on the warm shingles (or whatever they are) I can feel myself breathing easier. Over the last two weeks I have been lucky enough to get home from work just in time to see some beautiful sunsets out there and although the colors tonight were not as vivid as they have been in the past; it still calmed me like nothing else could.

What is your happy place?

Post secret

I discovered post secret my junior year of college and it has become one of my favorite little pleasures on Sunday mornings. After I wake up and grab some coffee, I sit at my computer and through these secrets I feel connected to man kind. Some of them I can relate to and occasionally I find ones that I truly understand but would have never thought to send them in as my particular secret, however this past week all of that changed. I came across this secret, and it was exactly the secret I had been waiting all these years to send in.

No I did not send in this postcard, but I might as well have. This card represents the battle that I have been fighting off an on with both my family and myself for close to ten years now. I know that post secret is anonymous and most likely the person who sent in this secret will never read this blog, but thank you anyway whoever you are. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone in my fight of not having cancer but living with cancer.

Poetic nerd.

A few months ago I got the writing itch and was able to crank out a few poems and things the I really enjoyed. Inspiration has been a bit slow again lately but I really did adore every second of it while it lasted. This is something I wrote during that time...

Yesterday I showed you parts of me
that most humans have never seen.
Though fear consumed me,
your bright eyes led me away from the clouds.
You have those forever kind of eyes
that could tame the wildest lion.
Such a contradiction from my ever changing view.
I wish I could reign mine in and hold back the change of the tide.

I want to discover the real truths of our pairing.
To learn the stories and feel the feelings of this bright boy
who seems to carry the whole universe in his head.
To see if I could learn all the mysteries
and somehow keep the butterflies.

We could stroll hand in hand
and take the most beautiful mental photographs the world will never see.
We could explore this vast wasteland they call life
and through each others eyes make it seem like the garden of Eden.

Snow day

So please keep in mind that I am in no way a photographer, but I have adored this snow day and wanted to capture it in some way.

This has been the control center for most of my day (excluding the awesome nap time I had with my bed earlier) and it has been quite fantastic to catch up on some much needed music downloading and hot beverages.



I always forget just how much I love the calm beauty of undisturbed snow until it snows again and I am always blown away by how happy it makes me. This snow day has given some much needed rest and relaxation after a crazy few weeks. I really hope that I can get back to real life after this a new burst of energy and excitement.

Lovelovelove!

Love is a mix tape.

One of my all time favorite things to do for my friends and family and even strangers is make mixes. Whether they be themed like the "Autumn blues" mix I make for my girlfriends every year or just a collection of my current favorites. It is a great feeling to expose others to music and art that they do not yet know about and to be able to give them something else in this world that makes them feel connected to the rest of humanity. I mean don't get me wrong sometimes a mix cd is just that but there have been times in my life when I have received or made the perfect mix to satisfy my emotional needs in that moment and to me there is nothing better.

Knowing this my wonderful college roommate Christy bought me a book for Christmas called "love is a mix tape" and it is turning out to be one of my favorite books of all time (granted I am only 44 pages in). The writer, Rob Sheffield, and his wife shared an amazing connection through music and like me over-indulged in the art of mix making. This story, at least thus far, appears to be his tribute to their brief life together and he uses the mixes made by the two of them to bring him back to that time. "Nothing connects to the moment like music"

I'm not really sure where I intended to take this post except that this book is stirring something in me. I'm not really quite sure what that is yet, but so far I am absolutely in love with it! All I know is that when I am gone I have every intention of leaving behind as many mixes as possible to tell my life story :)

"I have built my entire life around loving music, and I surround myself with it. I'm always racing to catch up on my next favorite song. But I never stop playing my mixes. Every fan makes them. The times you lived through, the people you shared those times with - nothing brings it all to life like an old mix tape. It does a better job of storing up memories than actual brain tissue can do. Every mix tape tells a story. Put them together, and they add up to the story of life."

Lovelovelove!